This is the place where I can dump all my thoughts - about life.
And today is no exception.
Yesterday, 10/18/17, my ex-brother-in-law, made a personal visit to me at my job, just to let me know my aunt had passed away and been found that morning. Robert is my cousin's boyfriend and he was thoughtful enough to tell me this news in person, because Cyndi was so shaken herself - she couldn't even gather her own thoughts at that point.
I can only imagine - losing both of my own biological parents when I was in my thirties and my dearest stepdad when I was only 19... it changes you. Makes you feel alone even more so.
Strips off a layer of strength and exposes vulnerability before calluses begin forming.
My Aunt was our family historian - I could ask her anything about anybody in our family. She was full of independence, spunk and said what she felt. Couth was not her strong point, but fun was and she had a lot of it in her brief 72 years. Heartache, spirit and fun.
Now she's singing and dancing - full and fresh - on the other side of this life, in a place I like to call
'Home'.
Say 'Hi' to everyone for me, Aunt Jean - see you sometime soon ^_^
Love, Sho
This is the inter-weavings of a family, the tapestry of our lives; intertwined from one member to another. God has given me this word and it has shaped my creative thinking for years. I am grateful for what I have been given, although everyday is a challenge to mull over, isn't it? Take care & May God bless you greatly in our combined challenges ^_^!
Thursday, October 19, 2017
Tuesday, March 21, 2017
You'll Be Missed, Monday My Friend
He left me this past Sunday, March 19, 2017.
The day was too much for him - restless, crying out at times due to pain...
Finally just after 3pm, I awoke to a disheartening thump and cry.
He was lying twisted on the walkway heading to my bathroom, panting.
I cradled his head in my right hand and soothed him,
"It's okay, Dede, you can go on to Heaven."
"It's time for you to go and find Mags and Sammy and those brothers of yours".
"And wait for me honey - I'll be there soon, okay?"
I barely got the words out before he took his final breath.
He was gone.
I untwisted his thin, long body, brushing his beautiful striped fur with my hand.
And then I got my mum's stethoscope to make sure his heart wasn't still beating.
His left eye looked glazed already.
And his pupils were fixed - his was still as, well death.
His only evacuation had been a little dribble from his mouth
because he had used his litter, like a gentleman, a bit earlier.
I caressed his dear ears and noticed his tail had blown up as if he was in fight mode.
A type of distress.
My poor baby.
I had raised him from about 5 weeks old or so til he was here - almost eleven years.
He dined on milk from an eyedropper, along with his three brothers;
Huckleberry, Sawyer, and Siegfried. They had been found in a neighbors pile of backyard junk - abandoned by their mama. And Monday was the last to be caught that weekend, starting from Friday, Saturday and finishing up on - you got it!
Not knowing if they even had eyes because their sockets were so enflamed with pus and goo -
I cleaned them one by one, after hearing the first one - Siegfried, whom I refer to even today as 'Head'.
Sig is the only one of the bunch left - the only remaining survivor now.
Sawyer and Huckleberry have long since passed away - not sure of what exactly, when they were each 3 years old.
And now Monday is gone - from a broken heart most likely.
His hero, Jack left and found a new woman and animals. And I firmly believe somehow Monday, being so extremely sensitive, knew he was never coming back, so he just gave up.
But I will miss his sassiness and his climbing up any unattended ladder he found. I'll miss his figure eights around my legs when I was in the kitchen - driving me nuts! And his demanding cries any time I closed my door, to let him in my room. I'll even miss his itchy whiskers on my nose when I was trying to sleep.
And try not to cry myself to sleep from missing him too much.
Love you Monday, my friend, my Dede!
The day was too much for him - restless, crying out at times due to pain...
Finally just after 3pm, I awoke to a disheartening thump and cry.
He was lying twisted on the walkway heading to my bathroom, panting.
I cradled his head in my right hand and soothed him,
"It's okay, Dede, you can go on to Heaven."
"It's time for you to go and find Mags and Sammy and those brothers of yours".
"And wait for me honey - I'll be there soon, okay?"
I barely got the words out before he took his final breath.
He was gone.
I untwisted his thin, long body, brushing his beautiful striped fur with my hand.
And then I got my mum's stethoscope to make sure his heart wasn't still beating.
His left eye looked glazed already.
And his pupils were fixed - his was still as, well death.
His only evacuation had been a little dribble from his mouth
because he had used his litter, like a gentleman, a bit earlier.
I caressed his dear ears and noticed his tail had blown up as if he was in fight mode.
A type of distress.
My poor baby.
I had raised him from about 5 weeks old or so til he was here - almost eleven years.
He dined on milk from an eyedropper, along with his three brothers;
Huckleberry, Sawyer, and Siegfried. They had been found in a neighbors pile of backyard junk - abandoned by their mama. And Monday was the last to be caught that weekend, starting from Friday, Saturday and finishing up on - you got it!
Not knowing if they even had eyes because their sockets were so enflamed with pus and goo -
I cleaned them one by one, after hearing the first one - Siegfried, whom I refer to even today as 'Head'.
Sig is the only one of the bunch left - the only remaining survivor now.
Sawyer and Huckleberry have long since passed away - not sure of what exactly, when they were each 3 years old.
And now Monday is gone - from a broken heart most likely.
His hero, Jack left and found a new woman and animals. And I firmly believe somehow Monday, being so extremely sensitive, knew he was never coming back, so he just gave up.
But I will miss his sassiness and his climbing up any unattended ladder he found. I'll miss his figure eights around my legs when I was in the kitchen - driving me nuts! And his demanding cries any time I closed my door, to let him in my room. I'll even miss his itchy whiskers on my nose when I was trying to sleep.
And try not to cry myself to sleep from missing him too much.
Love you Monday, my friend, my Dede!
Wednesday, March 01, 2017
He Moved On...
He moved on…
Coming in
with happier eyes,
he put his finger to his lips;
didn’t want to spoil the surprise.
he put his finger to his lips;
didn’t want to spoil the surprise.
When she
couldn’t find him,
she went outside looking for his truck
and the dogs –
she went outside looking for his truck
and the dogs –
What she found
was the dogs’ previous owner.
'Camille', she called herself,
Jumping from the cab, hugging her and talking
a mile a minute.
'Camille', she called herself,
Jumping from the cab, hugging her and talking
a mile a minute.
“He wanted
to tell you in person”
“Is there anything I should know?”
“…just want your blessing”
“Is there anything I should know?”
“…just want your blessing”
‘Camille’
already had her mind made up.
She had her dogs back, a warm body to cling to during the cold nights,
and someone to feed her; protect her.
She had her dogs back, a warm body to cling to during the cold nights,
and someone to feed her; protect her.
She walked
away, stunned, not sure what she said or
didn’t say.
Just to go and find him.
didn’t say.
Just to go and find him.
He was
leaning against the counter,
deep in thoughts made up of eleven years of memories.
When he turned to look at her, they all showed and played
across the span between them.
deep in thoughts made up of eleven years of memories.
When he turned to look at her, they all showed and played
across the span between them.
Goodbye will
never be uttered, but it was felt,
even as her tears melted in the backs of her eyes.
And his reassurances of being best friends rang in her ears.
even as her tears melted in the backs of her eyes.
And his reassurances of being best friends rang in her ears.
Being left
is so entirely solitary that one never fails to recall
the sensation.
SL
(no G) 3/1/17the sensation.
(Taken Feb. 2017!)
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