Instead of promise, it has been full of failure, I think.
First Gizmo passed, after almost two decades of being a constant in my life - quietly watching history play out for me.
Then one week later I lose Max, my Albino bunny - so friendly with his 'whisker kisses' when I would feed him orange leaves off the tree his hutch sat under. Another week passed and his bunk mate 99, a soft, dessert looking, sensitive fellow died as well. Was it from the heat too or from missing Max too much?
The ducks were given away - because they kept picking on the chickens. But arguably that was in June.
Josh get into an accident on Zach's birthday - with us in the car, because some drunken fool runs a stop sign on private property.
I am brushing more and more fur off of Sig...
Meanwhile Jack's MRI scans are 'lost' and now we find out there are three nodules instead of only one.
There are more questions than answers - piling up like dirt at a construction site.
I am not sleeping a whole lot - just resting, which is good.
But I am more tired than I was 5 years ago.
Where is energy?
Zach has lost too much weight now - he is emaciated looking because he is afraid to eat - it will bring on the pain. The pain his doctor says is in his head, but his shrink says isn't.
What a bunch of bull#*%@!
Doctors belive they are mini gods and that everything that will be discovered has been. Well, that is not the truth at all and it just shows their humanness.
A doctor killed my mom.
And countless doctors are responsible daily for other lives; negative and positive.
Be informed - never take another person's word completely.
We are all simply people - some just have more knowledge and experience in different areas. but we are all fallible and make mistakes and can continue to learn and grow.
So, back to this month - the month of July, when my son was born 30 years ago. He was beautiful and another blessing in my life. I already had a firstborn son, so now I had two and I felt so grounded and mature at 21. I was home with my children - they made me grow up and made me feel like I was important, needed and actually supposed to be their mom.
When in reality I was young, kinda stupid and still doing a lot of growing up. But at least I had these small souls to help me; shape me and make me give of myself more than I ever would have if they had been absent from my life.
Thank you. And love you - all of you for that.
So, yea July sucked this year - but not all of it - there were bright, shining moments filled with Zach and Josh; two people I really adore as much as they'll let me.
In my heart I love them more.
